I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
