I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
