it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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