Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
