you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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