I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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