shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
