My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
