guys are only as good as the porn they watch
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
