I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
