your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
