Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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