Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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