Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I need to calm my uterus...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
