Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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