i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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