Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
What a dumb baby whore.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
