Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
