I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
