goodnight i made you a song goodbye
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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