Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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