She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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