I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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