haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
