i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
