They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize