Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
