kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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