We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
