How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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