worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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