My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
