So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
