Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
