Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
