Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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