As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
