I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
