How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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