You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize