omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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