I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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