I heard we made out
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
