Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
