and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
