4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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