someone threw a dead crab at me
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
