im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think i peed on brittanys purse
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
