Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
