Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
