not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
