i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
