Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
