when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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