You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
