In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
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The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
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I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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