she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
