i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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