Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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