yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
