Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I need to align my fucking chakras
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
