And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
