When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
