Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
