guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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