Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
