if you like me you must not know who I am
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
