What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
