so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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