For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
they're like a gay fantastic four
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
