I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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