I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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